Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you having a go!

Today is International Retard Day. Please send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I have done. I don't care if you lick windows, or interfere with farm animals. You hang in there cupcake, you're fucking special to me, you're my mate!

Look at you smiling at your screen... =)

Made me chuckle...

Remember kids, playing with yourself is wrong. Sick and wrong. And it will drop off.

Bye.

If you're still here it must mean you want to read the ramblings of a nutter. Congratulations and welcome to the club. You get a membership card after your third visit*.

I'll be updating this site as and when I feel like it, and not a moment before. You are not a clingy girlfriend. If I don't give you an update every 5 minutes it doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I've got something I'd rather be doing.

Just don't expect anything too serious, okay? Maybe some penis jokes. Who knows. Actually, definitely penis jokes. Lots of them. There might also end up being lots of pictures of food, I'm "a bit on the large side", get over it, I have.

Most importantly though, if you're easily offended, you don't belong here. Maybe you should join a church of some sort. Preferably one of those cult-y ones that require you to sell all of your possessions in order to book your seat on a spaceship when the end of the world rolls around.

Just as a final rant, I fucking hate people who are completely incapable of using correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. There's no excuse for not knowing the difference between there, their and they're. DeRs LsO nO xCuS fR tYpN lIeK dIs. Fucking morons.

Oh, and I swear. A lot. Deal with it.

*Not really, don't be fucking stupid.